TWENTY ONE  

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220px-Shrivatsa

I

Yes it’s true, not easy but true! it shattered inside … like a ticking bomb.
No feeling was the premise.
No fear no anger no love.
Love is what started it all.
It crawled slowly…a gaze at a time, the promise of hands touching, unspoken words…it all added up.
The sum of it’s parts stacked like rocks.
Heavy load.
It must be contained, it’s weight released.
But how?
It expanded, it chocked, it grew heavier and heavier by the minute by the hours…
The space in between unbearable.
Perhaps it’s only passion, perhaps nostalgia and regret,
perhaps time lost, life not lived… forgotten.

II
Who woke her up?
How long has she been asleep?
The look in the mirror was that of a stranger… the eyes of a raven.

III
I wonder if you know, if you heard it happening… exploding  loudly…
pieces everywhere.
I didn’t hear it either, or saw it coming… it happened: You did.
Who are you?

IV
A confession when spoken changes everything… it creates an ongoing current.
Once out,  nothing can contain it, even if its a momentary truth.
It will get hold of you, lure you, convince you that it’s real and there is nothing you can do. Such a trickster! 

V
I am the one you’ve been looking for.
The promise of freedom and endless happiness.
I am the wild horse, the cunning fox, the all knowing eagle.

VI
She spilled herself all over the table… a broken jar of sticky yoghurt moving quietly… inexorably towards the edge.
She wanted to implode and become dust… disappear.
She did the opposite.
It rained words until she got too deep.
She wanted to scream, she couldn’t…she sank instead.

VII
What are you going to do about it? Yes, you!
It was you who started this remember?
… a soft echo.

VIII
Oh, the heartbreak!
I’m unravelling silently, wet, unnoticed… traveling slowly through each of my heart chambers.
Is it possible to be loved again?

IX
I am late.
The promise of us in the sun strolling, holding hands… the sound of our breaths sweating in unison… your hair and my hair tangled… our smiles together in complicity.
You have only started gathering memories, strokes… star-dust.
Me, I have accumulated a universe including a black hole menacing to swallow it all.
You are a newborn sun, bright as my heart can take.
I am a red dwarf about to implode and give birth to a new universe.

X
She sits by the tree and buries her feet in the ground by its roots.
She is the tree: arms stretch out and high, flowers blooming, crowning her beauty. She is majestic but she doesn’t know it.
Birds come and go, eating from her fruit. She loves them all,  but there’s only one she wants to keep.

XI
Attachment is a natural disaster. 
It strands your willingness to grow… it tangles all desires, all dreams  and turns them into paper, signatures and bills.
No, do not let it catch you on a starry night, do not let it promise you eternal life… Run! Run as fast as you can.

XII
Im not yours to hold or keep or own. I’m not your scale,  your window or escape door. I am only pointing a mirror straight back at you.
I can’t love you more than you already do.

XIII
Love.
The forbidden fruit that started the fall.
It wasn’t love but the illusion of love who took hold of it all…
A false deity who called itself god.
It announced its promise as the only way, the golden ticket, the end of the road.
It was him who one morning held her heart hostage and placed that ticking bomb…
The rest is history,  you know how it  goes!

XIV
Purple clouds crossed the blue vastness… red hues and a stroke of black.
She opened her boxed heart with a large key delivered to her in a dream.
All possible explanations were taken out carefully, as if by a well rehearsed magician:
First the whys, then the hows and at the end the truth all wrapped up in layers and layers of cotton candy.

There it was… a hidden jewel.
Her eyes covered in night sky, his  ocean gaze looking shyly…
waiting for her to just say it.
Did she?
Maybe.

Emotions are untouched islands until they get discovered.
Uncharted territory, difficult to map out.

XV
STOP
Stop right there…  
All that guess-work is futile. 
Reality does not feel. It is measurable. It simply works or it doesn’t… no grey areas, no hesitation, no room for feedback. 

Gravity exists like a heavy burden, a reminder we are bound to our feet, no room for wings. 

XVI
Seize the opportunity!
Take my hands, my eyes, my unwavering love for you.
Can’t you see?
I am your next big story,  your overture… the passage to a whole new world.

Too much is at stake. 

XVII
The dream is dissolving…
I am a drop of water left on the counter: unseen, untouched, left to dry.
I am a lonely seed traveling far through barren land, looking for fertile ground.

XVIII
There is only a full moon… solitary, sterile, illuminating nothing.
Her face hiding in a mask.
His, hiding in a crowd.
The dance of the knights commenced in bright reds, all gathered and ready for the sacrifice.

Will I have the strength to hold my instincts intact?
Will I keep the facade of a well rehearsed act?
The hollow laugh, the glitter covering my hands….
All I want is to touch yours!

My heart bleeds fire.
I’m cold.

XIX

I wish I knew you when I was young
The sun is gone… I can only share my moods with you.
Now it’s all quiet and gone…
Tangled in sparkle and fluff.

 

Morning came and with it … light.
The flowers have fallen from the tree… their scent lifting the spell.
She is stronger than ever.
No birds, no ravens, no cunning fox.

The mask is back on the wall.

XX

She had to shed her skin… crack it open, all scales, all bones, all dusty feathers… It meant focus and determination, commitment and pain. 

There’s been always the suspicion that something was left behind, unanswered, broken, overlooked and untried. It had to be found, chased and dragged out! All those layers of boredom stuck to the bones.. all the comfort for nothing.. adventures quite dead. 


XXI
Why did you have to tell him?
Why did you break the spell, the wall, the glass box.
I feel naked and unsure
Can’t hold your gaze without holding my breath!
… Solitude.

 

The truth hurts the strong and the weak. 
All secrets revealed. 
Nothing will be the same again. 
Beauty lies beneath the storm, everything washed clean. 
Reborn.

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